I think I'm one of the eight people in the country who has seen D-War: Dragon Wars - possibly because you need to drink heavily before putting it into the DVD machine and most people don't have that kind of perseverance while drinking. Hell, I'm drunk while writing this. Trust me, if you're going to watch this movie, you need alcohol to get through.
Take a drink when the following occurs
The Smaug Rule: someone says 'dragon', 'serpent' or 'Imoogi'
The Straight Man Rule: you giggle when they say 'Imoogi'
The Scranton Rule: Craig Robinson shows up
The Bazooks Rule: a ninja army with dinosaurs appears out of nowhere
The 'Say My Name' Rule: someone says 'Sarah'
The Questionable Fashion Choice Rule: Ethan appears in a scene wearing a shirt that would get him rejected from a 70's fashion club
The Treat Yourself Rule: Retta shows up
The Faux Bilingual Rule: Ninja speaks Ninja-language
The Economic Suburban Revitalisation Program Rule: a giant serpent destroys a building
The Fated Rule: someone says 'destiny'
Finish your drink when the following occurs:
The Roadkill Rule: Ninja is hit by a car
The Dawntreader Rule: someone turns into a dragon
The 'What Is This I Have No Fucking Idea What's Happening' Rule: Drink until the plot makes sense (Warning - Talumin Enterprises takes no responsibility for alcohol poisoning incurred by invoking this rule)
DOUBLE WARNING!! IF YOU ARE WATCHING THIS MOVIE AND YOU BEGIN TO THINK BIRDEMIC IS GOOD, YOU HAVE DRUNK TOO MUCH!! STOP DRINKING IMMEDIATELY. This in no way will decrease your enjoyment in D-War.